


All is Calm, All is Bright

by NervousAsexual



Category: Half-Life
Genre: all new ship-free formula
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:34:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21819760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NervousAsexual/pseuds/NervousAsexual
Summary: Adrian Shephard enjoying his Christmas with his alien pets.A Half-Life Secret Santa present fornotdeezy
Relationships: G-Man & Adrian Shephard
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	All is Calm, All is Bright

**Author's Note:**

  * For [notdeezy](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=notdeezy).



> Writing this took me way back to when I was the smallest of writers and every story had five hundred zillion pets and naming them all was the best part of any story. I had a lot of fun, and I hope you do too!

"It is so goddamn cold," Shephard announced as he kicked open the door to the cabin. "My fingers are fucking falling off." He threw down the firewood on the small heap beside the fireplace and immediately kicked the door closed again. "And you are not helping!" he shouted, spinning dramatically to the single ratty couch in the cabin, which was currently occupied by a houndseye and a baby headcrab.

"Arf," said the houndseye.

"Uh-huh." Shephard pulled his arms into his sleeves and tucked his fingers under his armpits. "Keeping my spot warm for me, right? You're a critter. You don't get to sit on the couch. Get down."

The houndseye did not move.

"Louise..."

The houndseye whined softly.

"Louise, you are not people. I know this is difficult to understand, but you do not have thumbs. You cannot fire a gun. You are a critter. And look, you have a bed. Right over there, see?" Shephard jerked his head toward the corner of the room, where a large dog bed sat dusty and unused. "That is where houndseyes sleep. This? this is where people sleep. So hop down, get cozy over there, and let me get settled."

The houndseye looked up at him. Its massive compound eye seemed to quiver, as if with tears. Then it lowered its gaze to the ground and started to get up. It shivered violently.

"Goddammit." Shephard shook his head. "At least make room for me to sit down."

"Arf!" the houndseye barked joyfully. It got to its feet and bounced playfully to the corner of the couch.

"You people are lucky I'm such a sap," Shephard told it. He squeezed in beside the houndseye and lifted the baby headcrab onto his lap. It picked its front half up sleepily and then settled down. "When I was a kid animals weren't allowed on the couch. They weren't even allowed in the house! You'd all be out in the barn."

Louise the houndseye nuzzled his arm.

"If this crummy planet or whatever it is had a barn I might still make you sleep out there. It'd be good for you. Humbling. Make you like the little baby Jesus." Shephard gazed into the crackling fire. "It's somebody else's turn to fill that damn thing. Guthrie, you have arms. Put some wood on that."

From the dark area behind the couch a single alien grunt waddled out. Its face showed no emotion, but the air it exuded was distinctly annoyed.

"What, you want to freeze?" Shephard asked. "Because that is also an option."

If grunts could scowl, this one would have. It hobbled to the fireplace and with its third arm began tossing chunks of wood into the hearth.

The grunt's massive bulk blocked most of the heat from the fireplace--the temperature dropped easily twenty degrees. Shephard looked around to see if anyone else was around to keep him warm. The barnacle on the ceiling above the door was out--Dwight had rooted herself right up there in a convenient draft-blocking position, but she also never moved. The adult headcrabs, Terri and Viktoria, appeared to be hiding somewhere, unless they were out hunting, and the snarks had all retreated to their nest. But the bull squid and the two pit drones couldn't have gotten far...

"Kristy!" Shephard called. "Teddy! Laszlo!"

There came a mad dashing and scrambling of alien feet and as Guthrie the grunt shuffled away from the fireplace the two pit drones came galloping up. They tumbled over their own spindly limbs--Laszlo wiped out but Teddy made a flying leap and bounded into Shephard's lap.

Teddy was very warm, a regular little space heater, which was pretty standard for a pit drone. He sat directly down on top of the baby headcrab, which started to make a noise of complaint before it realized this was twice as warm. Laszlo just lay on the floor as if dead.

"Dear god!" Shephard said, grinning at him. "Poor Laszlo! The finest mind of his generation, come to such an end."

Laszlo continued to lay there, perhaps hoping to be picked up, until the bullsquid finally shuffled up and collapsed beside him with a thump that shook the cabin. Kristy, known to be a very loving bullsquid and a very noisy sleeper, was not the pit drone's favorite napping buddy. Instead he limped dramatically off toward Guthrie, who could be relied upon for, if not affection, at least a lack of open mocking.

"You're fine, you weenie," Shephard called after him. He would have gotten up and gone after him, but the baby headcrab was settled in and Teddy was already on his lap, and Louise was trying to push its stubby eyeball-head under his arm in a bid for pets.

It was funny, Shephard thought as he settled down for a warm evening in. When the government guy had talked to him in the Osprey he'd made it sound like Shephard was being taken to storage somewhere to be flash-frozen like a pack of potatoes. But this was nothing like what he had pictured. He was in Xen, he figured (why else would all the critters be living here?), but it was a part of Xen that was almost earth-like in terms of seasons and plants and gravity. Maybe the guy had changed his mind.

"I think maybe you do like me after all," Shephard called, since the guy always seemed to be listening whether he was here or not. "You're a bigger sap than I am!"

Over in the doorway Dwight woke up and grabbed out with her tongue. It stuck to the doorknob and before Shephard could say anything she had pulled the knob clean off the door. She hoisted it up, up, grabbed on with her jaws... and then made a noise of disgust and spat it out.

"Are you for real?" Shephard asked her. "This is the fourth one I've had to replace!"

He started to get up, a little reluctantly, but before he could do so time itself seemed to slow down and there he was, the government guy in the blue suit, suitcase in hand.

"Hey," Shephard said. "What do you want? Putting me in, coach?"

The government guy looked at him with those cold expressionless eyes for a moment. Then he held up a battered cardboard box, clearly labeled "Safelock doorknob."

"Is that for me?"

The government guy set the box just out of Dwight's reach.

"Well... thanks. Oh, and hey!"

The government guy gave his tie a nervous jerk to straighten it.

Shephard looked around at his pets and his home, and thought how much better this was than whatever invasion was happening on earth. He was happier, he thought. Happier now that the world had ended than he had been as a soldier. Wasn't that funny?

The government guy stared at him. He never quite made eye contact. He also never blinked.

"Just..." Shephard shrugged. "Thanks for the doorknob, you absolute doorknob?"

The G-man looked at him. "Mer-ry Christ. Mas. Mr. Shephard," he said at last, and then time sped up and Shephard was alone with his critters.

"That guy is such an asshole," Shephard said to Louise, and gave its head an affectionate bump.

"Arf," said Louise.


End file.
